I am dirty, unclean and desirable with you.
Your fierce passion turns me on, I come alive for you.
When you look at me, your shameless half-shut eyes melt from across the
With flaming cheeks I lower my lids, it just makes you want me more.
You don’t take me but you don’t let me go.
For darkness we wait, for in darkness you hold me tight with our bodies low.
We close our eyes lest we break this obscene dream so real.
I can’t see you, you turn your face away, I am only allowed to feel.
I hear your heart beat fast against my own, my very soul you steal.
I’ve never felt this shameless but never been this alive before.
No one must know about you, a drug I secretly score.
For in your arms I find ecstasy, though I know I am done for.
My body is so tangled up with yours, it’s a pleasure each time you move.
Your hands are strong and powerful, my aching body is but a puppet to serve.
Your ragged breath drives me crazy as you explore each curve.
I feel so dirty, shameless and desirable, a scarlet red wine.
I can’t not have you, though I don’t belong to you and you aren’t mine.
You may call it a sin but I can swear it’s a pleasure divine.
Your eyes say yes, though your mouth says no.
So we turn off the lights to pretend it’s alright, that we can let go. But you and I, we both know
We are phoney, both you and I.
God forbid if you could read my mind!
Yes, we talk about truth, but we both know, we all lie.
And yes, at times, there could be a difference in what I do and what I want to do.
But never in what I do and what I believe is right!!!
Its funny how I have absolutely nothing to do on a (wait, let me check my phone to see what day it is...) Wednesday evening except sitting in my room, looking out the huge square window to see gorgeous greeen trees (two trees to be precise) and fooling myself into believing that I am actually holidaying on a hill station!! Of course, this was before I decided to sit in front of my laptop instead.
It is so frustrating at this point that I swear my hands shake while writing. Like how you sometimes cannot fall asleep when you are just too tired, I am unable to express due to the extent of the pent up frustration I have within... Feels like a bomb, ticking away... trust me!!
People think that the unemployed, unmarried, living-with-parents ones are just so lucky they have nothing to do, no responsibility, no money issues...no nothing! Life is just a big, never ending party! Let me tell you, that is absolutely untrue! Its a myth! You have not been unemployed for over a month if you actually believe that such a life would be a blessed life. No! It is a curse, my friend! I have been unemployed for over three months now (due to reasons, I believe, I do not necessarily have to reveal...just know that if I had any other option I would have never EVER quit my job in the first place!) and I am dying, stagnating... I think my fingers are melting...!!!!
Have you seen movies like Zombieland or the Dawn of the Dead? Those creatures?? Yes, I am like one of them... (you really might wanna stay away... I am being nice so I am warning you...) You will not believe, at times I just sit on my bed, stare out my beautiful large windows and munch. Chips, chocolate bars, cakes, chocolate nutties?, fancy cakes!, munchies....! Basically, munchies. Other times, when I can bring myself to do it, I watch old movies on my laptop that I have probably seen a zillion times (no brainers okay! I don't want to be using too much of it when I am in this zombie-state! One of the regular features in this list of movies is 'Scary Movie', all parts, so you know what I mean when I say 'kill the grey cells'!!!!!!!)
You know how they say that when you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up? Don't you think thats a load of crap made up by someone who must have been way too optimistic in life! What if you don't move after hitting rock bottom? You might just end up spending the rest of your life resting under that rock's bottom! What then huh? The smart-ass-optimistic-douche did not give a solution to THAT, now did he!
I mean, no I am not looking for sympathy! Do not pity, patronize or condescend... I am just telling you what a regular day in my life looks like at this point. Ok? Cool!
So, when its time to watch t.v.,(cos trust me when you really want to watch something on the television, you find NOthing!), I do not miss those really hilarious, ever entertaining Star World sitcoms. I never ever miss the numerous repeats of each of those episodes either! Like just yesterday I watched the same 'Rules of Engagement' episode...Twice. Oh and not to forget that really funny episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond'. I had the fortune of watching it thrice!
And now, I sit here blabbering to a screen! I probably have zero readers! Even if I stuff curse words here and type random letters, nobody would know....cos nobody would read! Heh.
Lets just pretend that you really are interested and wanna know why I haven't started working yet!
Answer: Well, I do not think that I need to give you any explanations and justifications! I will start looking soon. There are some things that need to be done first. Once they are taken care of, I shall inform you!
I cannot come up with more poems... I think its gone. I think I better go too... I am sure Star World has something really interesting playing for me. Right. This. Minute. If not that then theres Animal Planet, Discovery, Zee Cafe, HBO, Zee TV?, Aastha Channel!!!!, if nothing else works I'll just watch Sony. They always have CID playing and I must tell you that I am a huge fan. Huge. Like huge. As huge as Daya.
You were here till yesterday.
Now all that is left is me and today.
Though I don't know what tomorrow will bring,
Rest assured it won't lead your way!
For my way, I know, is far and long.
This life is mine as is this journey I am on.
Throughout the way and till my last breath I will sing.
With or without someone by my side, I know one day I'll reach where I belong!!
I feel so burdened with this guilt that I have begun to justify your wrong doings. I simply cannot undo what I have done but I can certainly take solace in the truth and honesty of my feelings.
Each day I ask myself 'Why!?' and the only answer, reasonable answer, I can come up with is me! And for this reason alone, despite all the pain and injustice I have suffered, I can perhaps say that I deserved it.
If I could just wipe off that one wrong move maybe I would be able to put all the blame on you and get on with my life.
But I can't. But then again, something's GOTTA give, right??! Where IS the peace of mind????
Its not me, its you. 'Cos of you they think its me. 'Cos of you I think its me! But, I am ready to take the blame, For I feel guilty too, I do. Its not me, its you. 'Cos of you I became you And then they really had reasons To think its me and blame me too. You never tried to undo And I do not know how to. So, I am stuck with you and I am stuck with me too...though it was never me, it was you!
If God has sent me into this world It is not so that I be unhappy. If God has sent me into this world I am certain there is a purpose to it. Even if I can never figure out what, He is there and He knows. So, I need not worry.
I thought it was raining
So I thought I'd stop for a while.
I thought I'll enjoy the rain a little
So I stood there with a smile,
Enjoying the rain pouring down on me.
The water started rising and soon I was submerged.
The water was so beautiful, so blue.
Under water I saw everything anew!
I could breathe under water!
I thought I was a fish!
It was like I always belonged here.
With eyes wonder-struck and hair flowing wild, I just stood there.
I stood there for how long, I cannot remember
but I think many seasons passed.
I closed my eyes and felt at peace.
And then I wasn't submerged anymore!
I opened my eyes in confusion because
I did not know why there was no water anymore.
The rain continued but the water never rose again.
I thought I was a fish, I thought I belonged under water,
My dear blue water!
Where did you go?
For a second I could not breathe without water.
I waited, full of hope,
Maybe the water will rise again, take me again?
I stood there waiting for how long, I cannot remember.
but I think many seasons passed.
It took me ages to realize that
It had long since stopped raining.
I was just standing under a tree!
My soul is drenched and shivering
But I continue to stand,
But I continue to wait.
Maybe it will rain, once again.
Maybe if I wait too long, I will finally belong...
The dark recess of your mind is a dangerous place to be. Never go within or you might end up like me! 'Cos you never forget, you just discard. It's not like it's not there, It's just that you cannot see! So forgive if you can for forget you just won't, You will only forget that you never forgot, Never remembering that you never forgot is the key!
Them pills do work Them pills don't work I cannot really say But yes, I feel happy today! Is it them pills or is it the day? Is it the bright sun shining over my head? I am not really certain but perhaps I can say I am doing okay! I find myself writing after a long long time Am I finally awake? I hope so, I ain't sure but this much I can say I do feel happy today!