Dedication...

Love like ours is tough to find,
To let it go would surely be a crime.

No good did ever conditional love do,
Unconditionally is how I love you.

I'll turn Christian I'll turn Jew,
I'll become whatever you want me to.

Keep your promise till the end of time,
I'll do whatever to make you mine.

I wish...

I wish to live a hundred years,
I wish all my fears would disappear

I wish to see the most enchanting sunset,
I wish to climb the Mount Everest

I wish to taste the finest wine,
I wish to smell the winter Sugar Pine

I wish to grow old with you,
Otherwise I wish my wishes never come true!

Boogey Boogey Man!!

When I was a little girl,
I’d see strange things at night,
Real those things were not,
Stories others never bought,

I’d see people hiding,
Behind curtains in our room,
Scared, I’d point them out,
But never would I scream or shout,

Every night when I’d go to bed,
I’d turn off each and every light,
In light I was afraid to sleep,
Afraid of what I just might see,

One night as we all slept,
I saw something that made me sweat,
I whispered to my mumma and said,
“I see a man sitting on our bed”,

It was dark but I still saw,
I was shivering, scared for my life,
Mumma, she hugged me, hugged me tight,
“Hold on to me, just shut your eyes”,

Then suddenly I was twelve,
Next to my papa that night I slept,
As always, it was pitch dark,
The night was silent and stark,

I was up in the middle of the night,
To find something horrible and terrifying,
Someone was peeping through the door,
A person, completely white from head to toe,

It looked like a very young boy,
Featureless young little thing,
Radiating milky flawless moonlight,
Heading towards me ever so slight,

Every time I opened my eyes,
He somehow knew I saw him too,
He would be beside me standing,
He’d run back out, from me he’d be hiding!

My mouth clammed shut I woke my dad,
He got up to calm me down,
Left the lights on, that night, for me,
That night, or many after, I did not sleep,

Since that night on things changed for me,
Come darkness and I’d start worrying,
When I’d go to bed each night,
I would never turn off all the lights,

Ten years later, things mellowed down,
With my sister that night I slept,
It was fairly dark in our room,
Fear forgotten I slept peacefully too,

Suddenly woke up, sounds I heard,
With someone surely bending over my face!
My sister’s hand I held for I was scared,
Silhouettes I saw and silently I prayed,

(Incomplete ---> to be continued…)

A Temple of Learning

Shimmering light,
Hope at its height,
Bouncing rays,
Each and every day,
Bricks orange and brown,
Experience is their crown,
Strong wooden door,
Boundless wisdom in store,
Cushions overused,
In days gone by abused,
Tiles old and stained,
For footsteps on them rained,
Big green ageless trees,
Look upon us knowingly,
Look upon with knowing eyes,
at me and these friends of mine.

Blank

I want to write something but I cant.

Blank.

I want to put two sentences together and make them rhyme... but I just cant!

I am hungry... I am hungover
I am also short on my attendance... sighh
I have a thesis that I should be, ideally, working on right now
I am dazed.

Blank.

I am lazy... very very lazy... NOT good.
On top of ALL that...
this writer's block!

Blank!

My Precious :)

Its like a throbbing piece of me,
kept outside of me,
An organ on display,
I worry each day,
More important than my heart,
My most precious part,
Like a dew drop on my palm
Should come to no harm,
Take my spirit, you may
But not a finger on it you lay,
My biggest weakness ever
Giving me strength, somehow, forever,
In darkness, light itself it will be,
Yes, I am talking about my family.

Demons

The demons inside of me,
Come haunt me in my sleep,
My mother's tears-
Her thick tears of blood,
Her painful scream-
A soundless appeal,
Butchers' knife-
Tearing sounds of flesh, I hear,
I walk on a thin tight rope,
Under me a pitless bottom of fear,
I cross the road,
An eighteen wheeler runs me over,
I twist, I turn and
A searing pain I feel,
It burns, it burns and why,
Oh why does it never heal,
Next I am trapped
In a room without a door-
Its marbel, its black,
I am the prisoner of the unknown,
Unknown is dark, noones here,
Unknown is evil darkness's lair
I am running so hard but
My chasers always faster,
Sometimes I die
'cause of my very own insane laughter,
I yell for help, I choke,
I am a mute, I have no voice,
Suddenly I find myself in an endless maze,
Walls keep closing in on me,
No way I can escape,
The ceiling is so low, my knees-
Sore from crouching endlessly,
There are no exists, only turns,
Turns which, to nowhere, lead,
An Ocean, a blue ocean deep,
Tormented waters take me,
I scream for help,
I scream, "Papa!",
His eyes are worried, questioning me,
He wipes the tears off my cheeks,
He holds me tight, comfortingly,
Its late at night and,
I softly speak,
"The demons inside of me,
Come haunt me in my sleep"

Somewhere Inside of Me

A room, a dark awesome room,
Memories in store, beautiful memories,
Marred forever by claws of fear,
Incessant echo of screams,
Bouncing off the grimy walls,
Shrieks of pain, shouts for help,
Go unanswered again and again,
A room, a room without doors,
Moisture creeps in through the walls
Bringing in more dread along,
Stagnant water, thick as blood,
Smells like poison, tastes morbid,
Dreams lie broken, shards of glass,
Mist of doubt thickens each hour,
A room, a room without windows,
Life outside moves at it pace,
Remains within just rot away,
Rotting till they helpless lie,
Time just simply passes by till,
Webs of gloom, in corners, knit
And spirits residing give up and die.

He and I

Today is my wedding day, I look lovely they say,
I am with my man, to-be husband,
I've finally found my soul-mate

I scan the sea of happy faces,
he is there, the only one I want to see,
the only face with mixed emotions

Why did I have to see him now,
I turn back to the one I stand beside,
to no avail, the seed of doubt is buried deep within

Will he treat me better than that man I see,
I dont know, I was the apple of his eyes,
and I know I will always be

How can I undo what is done, its writ in stone,
how can I ever decide, how can I
ever choose one out of the two

I shoot him with a quick glance,
yes, I see tears shimmering in his eyes,
I see in his eyes a million brilliant gems

My heart reaches out to him, we could'nt
have been together forever, it was'nt
meant to be, I had to someday leave

We walk around the sacred pyre, he
sits there with a pasted smile,
he looks at me then my soon-to-be

I can read his mind, I just know what
he is thinking, "I'll kill you if I
ever hear her cry, know, I'll forever be her knight"

Ceremony over, now I am a wife,
it is time for me to say my final goodbye,
I walk to him, he hugs me tight
"Daddy I'll always remain your little girl,
don't cry, you'll always be
my first love till the end of time"

The Greatest Mystery Of All Times!

Last night we (M,N my roomie-L and I) cooked rice (cooker1) and daal (cooker2). We ate, we hogged, we laughed, we bitched, we gossiped, we laughed, we cracked jokes, we ate, we laughed. After all this (routine activity) we cleared the food and took both the cookers to our house to wash. I headed to the loo ( you know after eating and laughing that much...food is like as good as digested) and I noticed L washing cooker1 while cooker2 sat nicely (daal sticking all around it n all) on the kitchen slab. I went in, came out. Didn't look at the slab. Went to our room (yes we share it). Threw myself on my bed (my favourite part), lifted my laptop, placed it on my lap (thats where its meant to be anyway) and happily went back to my online world...the world of html...back to my fellow netizens.

I dont remember anyone coming over, anyone of us going out of the house, our door being left open. Everything was normal. L and I were both online (ahem...cough...ahem). At around 3 in the morning we started gossiping and bitching and we were probably done by 4.30 after which L went off to sleep while I was back to being a netizen. At 5 I got off my bed to put my laptop away, out in the hall I noticed that our door was only bolted (we always lock it with the key from inside). So what, big deal. Lets go to sleep I thought. I slept off. Morning...early morning (I know 5 is early morning too but I meant like 7-7.30ish) I got up to go to the loo again (yes I know) and on my way I noticed the kitchen slab (my favourite spot it would seem). Cooker2 was still sitting on the slab without complaining but....BUT cooker1 was not there. So what, big deal, maybe L gave it back to M...maybe M took it away last night. I came back, climbed back on my bed, slept. A couple of hours later someone rang our bell. It was our irritating, forever laughing that silly laugh of hers, maid. L opened the door for her. Apparantly we had left our key in the keyhole outside. We took it back, kept it away, slept. Finally got up at 1 p.m. feeling hungry. L decided to cook rice (M and N were away, gone back home for the weekend). For that we needed cooker1...so where exactly was cooker1!? L checked our whole house and then M's whole house but no sign of cooker1!! I decided to be Sherlock but to no avail. Absolutely no trace of poor cooker!! Called M, she had no clue about it either, it MUST be at our place only, HAS to be, where COULD it go ANYWAY. Like, no one will want to steal a rice cooker for heaven's sake! Atleast not just a part of it! Yes that is what was missing. A PART of the cooker.

We have exhausted all theories from maid to supernatural! It is quite puzzling and disturbing. Any suggestions? (and no, cooker2 will never kidnap cooker1...its too nice and just satisfied, content sitting on the slab)

Before I Close My Eyes Forever...

My blood oozes out, drains me dry,
can you hear me,
stabs of pain, that make me cry?

I Clench unclench my wrist, I do,
do you see it,
marks that my digging nails drew?

I lie on my bed, bleeding away,
can you hold me,
once, before forever still I lay?

I wriggle my toes, I can still feel,
do you care,
if whether I can or cannot heal?

My bed is stained, its a deep blood red,
will you miss me,
when I am a memory, I am gone, when I am dead?

My blood, now, drips off my sheet,
can you help me,
before I give up, before I am beat?

I must live like this till I die,
can't you stop this,
this pain, just till my final goodbye?

Suddenly, I feel, I hear my bones crack,
do you hear it,
my veins, they tear, they snap and whack?

I know you can't help me, can't make it stop,
and I can see you,
tears in your eyes, like a million raindrops,
I can feel it,
your pain, your heart breaking, and
I know- you hear, you see, you care, you feel,
you'll miss, you'll cry, you'll hold me even after I die,

You sit there next to me, holding my hand, right by my side,
and I know, my sweet love,
that this is the last thing I see, you only you, my last sight.

Beauty and Joy

A thing of beauty is a joy forever, says Keats.

I say,
That which gives you joy is beautiful forever!!

The Deep Dark Forest

I went to a forest, dark forest, on my own,
in awe, unprepared, unaware, all alone.

The woods called me in, beckoned, invited me,
they looked vivid and bright, so very green.

I left behind all of my worldly ties,
not knowing one day I'd regret all those byes.

At night when I lay down on a firm bed of cane,
I heard terrible cries and I turned sides in vain.

I missed all the people I'd left behind,
suddenly I felt I was mad, losing my mind.

The very next day things went from bad to worse
I was hasty, I had no one to blame but myself to curse.

To pieces my little heart broke day by day,
once decided, 'twas done, no other way.

How I wished I would just die, just perish,
rid of this life which was now nightmarish.

Just when I had given up all faith, all hope,
they came and together they threw me a rope.

They were two sisters, my rope for me,
my own messiah, two angels I could see.

They gave me my strength, helped me survive,
for the first time in days I felt I was alive.

I grew so dependent, I could not be away,
existence without them, unimaginable even for a day.

Confidence restored, I knew life would be fine,
but when they would leave, I was sure , I would pine.

They promised me they'd always be there to halve my pain,
Promised me that they'd never let me go insane again.

But leave they sure did one day, left me all alone,
the darkness was back, there was gloom I missed home.

The dark woods got darker, the forest - a jail,
the prisoner was I, I would weep and I'd wail.

But who'd ever hear my cries, my tender heart breaking,
'cept my ma, somewhere, whose heart, too, was aching.

Years later now I sit down to recall,
memorys afresh of bygone years one and all.

Ask me not how I managed escaping,
a never healing wound that is forever gaping.

A Journey To the Past

Today I woke up hearing the cuckoo's call. It was 7:30 in the morning. It had probably rained the previous night because the weather outside was simply amazing. The sky was a gorgeous light blue with white clouds scattered here and there. The view from my window is of an ocean of trees, like a mini forest with tall, green trees and the window is right next to my bed. The leaves on the trees looked fresh and dewey (if thats a word!). The clouds were glowing because of the early morning sun and i craned my neck to see if I could catch a glimpse of it but unfortunately my side of the room is not East :)

The morning took me to another day, another place...almost like another era...a different time altogether. It reminded me of all those beautiful mornings my mother would forcibly pull me out of the bed and take me for walk-jog routine. The first day was torture...no, actually, every day was torture because even now i hate to get up early in the morning. This morning I realised the importance of those mornings.

Let me describe, as well as i can, the picture that comes to my mind whenever I think about those walks and jogs. I see a small town. The kind of town you would call 'charming'. The kind of town where everyone, just EVERYONE, knows eachother. It has beautiful, cute little cottages with backyards and kitchen gardens, with creepers growing and 'creeping' all over, with bamboo swings, with colourful walls, with small short gates, with low boundary walls so you can just stand there and chit-chat with your neighbour, with three-sided gardens full of different, unusual pretty flowers. The town has nice clean roads flanked with small gardens and narrow roads branching out to various cottages. The kind of town where you see kids of different age groups pedalling away on their cycles, elderly people taking walks while their younger counterparts either walking briskly or jogging. I see myself in that town. I cycle and I jog and I walk. The other two only because my mother forces me to :D but I, basically, love to cycle. I remember walking with my mother by my side and marvelling at the size of the sun. I swear to you, in my memory, it is as big as a huge sunflower held close to your eyes with the sky in the backdrop as compared to the bindi sized sun we usually see (and i mean small bindis ofcourse!). It is red and orange in the picture and sort of emanating cooling, calming rays. The trees around me are bright green and 'dewey' ofcourse. And guess what I hear? The cuckoo calling.

This is what the picture in my mind looks like. This morning took me on a long journey. A journey of the days gone by, a journey down the memory lane, a journey of the time that can never come back, a journey to the past...sighh :)

Not a penny more...but what about a penny less?

I felt really bad today. In fact quite angry with myself! As usual i was getting kind of late for work and i couldnt find an auto-rick(as usual again). So, today i decided to take a pedal-rick but only till i found an auto.

Like how they always do, the rick driver charged me extra and i pointed this out to him. Now, what i had not expected was that he would blow his top off and start yelling. I told him i am ready to pay a little extra but not what he asked for. The man had so much ego that for Rs.3 he refused to take money from me and told me to leave, which i did.

After i was half-way to work i realised, if i was not ready to pay three rupees extra why should he be ready to take Rs. 3 less? After all doesn't he need it more than i do? I told myself that the only reason i stuck to my point was because i was right, which i was. Its all about right and wrong isn't it? If he had asked me for a fair amount i would have willingly paid it to him. Money is never an issue with me. 'Give it to the ones who need it more than you do...' But he was wrong...!! Wasn't he, i asked myself. Even if he was being unfair, i could have been the bigger person? But i didnt even try. The same extra money i readily pay to autos because 'hell they always charge extra, dont they! There meters never work!!' but what about this man who was pedaling with weight on his back in the sweltering heat of Delhi?

Complicated is worth more, a lot more than simple these days. Electrical power is worth more than muscular power. How is it that we pay more to a man who just sits there while a lot less to a person who sweats and works extremely hard (not taking technology into consideration here!). Of course, a labourer earns peanuts as compared to a manager.

Well, these questions are probably just B.S. These are the questions i was asking myself earlier today so just decided to scribble them down here. All day i couldn't stop thinking about it. Why didn't I just pay him! Even though its probably a small thing, i shall always regret it. Sighhh....